I Get to Think Whatever I Want!

Decisions….. How easy are they for you? I’ve never thought that I’m very good at them. Earl and I used to argue like the birds on jungle book…….

Earl—Where do you want to eat?

Me—I don’t know, Where do you want to eat?

Earl—It doesn’t matter to me, Where do you want to eat?

Me—I want to eat wherever you want to eat, so where do you want to eat?

The saddest part about all of that is that I just wanted him to be happy and I was worried about making a wrong decision. I felt like if I chose, then he might not enjoy what I chose.

I know, I know… It seems kind of silly but I really did think that, so then I was froze in indecision. Sometimes I think he just wanted me to have an opinion.

Fast forward to after Earl passed away. Now all decisions are mine, he isn’t their to make the decision for us. I get to choose all of it. I find that I have had thoughts like—

I don’t want to make the wrong decision.

I need to make the right or best decision.

This is a big decision.

Earl might be disappointed in me if I get this wrong.

This decision might determine mine or my families happiness.

These are pretty heavy thoughts.

Earl has been gone now for 4 years and guess what? I’m getting better about making decisions! I have found that I can make a decision and then….

DECIDE that I’m not going to beat myself up if it doesn’t go as well as I had hoped.

DECIDE that I will be nice to me no matter what.

This might sound a little crazy but I can actually DECIDE that their isn’t a right and wrong decision. I can choose to just make a decision and move forward. I can choose to love my decision no matter what.

Making decisions gives us power over our lives, making decisions frees us up to enjoy life instead of spinning in indecision.

We don’t want to make a bad decision because we are afraid of how we might feel (disappointment, sorrow, frustration, anger etc.) and yet by not making the decision we feel bad because we aren’t moving forward.

Heres a little example of what I’m talking about……

Last week I was coming home from my trip to Spokane and I flew into Vegas and then had a 3.5 hour drive to get home. I really like my sleep so I was wanting to get it done. I got on the freeway headed northbound when I saw a sign on the freeway that I thought was guiding the traffic to avoid a big event that had just gotten out. In hindsight I’m guessing that it was a sign that was telling people how to get off and pick up people from the event. I checked google and thought it was saying the same thing so I followed my friend google (maybe I should rethink that friendship, hahaha), I got off the freeway and followed all of the turns etc, until I ended up stuck in a line of cars that was being directed by police and their wasn’t a way to get off of that path because they had all of the side roads closed. I was guided onto a dirt road, right up to the event where people were lined up waiting to be picked up. Then I was guided back out and put right back on the road I had just been on just headed the opposite way than I was before. At this point I am praying that I can just find I-15 again. Surprise their it was but now their was so much traffic that it was moving at a crawl. I arrived home at 2:30am.

I could have beat myself up over the decision to leave the freeway but I decided to like my decision. I decided that maybe I avoided some kind of accident that would have happened on the freeway, I decided that doing that detour was in my best interest. Is their any way to know any of that for sure? No.

Why did I decide to think that? ……. Because that is how it happened and……

Because I choose me,

I choose to have my own back,

I choose not to beat myself up,

I choose to be kind to me.

Do I still struggle with decisions sometimes? Yes, but……….

I get to think whatever I want and when I can I choose to think………

I’M GOOD AT MAKING DECISIONS!

What do you choose to think about you?